Bowling

Scores from 2 weeks ago after drinking a 40 ounce Olde English, Irish Car Bomb, Jameson on the rocks and a gang of beers:
131, 98, 113

Scores from last night, when I was sober as a judge:
93, 99, 110

I've always found it fascinating that drinking seems to enhance my ability to play games like bowling, pool and darts, especially since it affects most people I know in a very similar fashion. Conventional wisdom suggests that the "drunk zone" as we've come to call it is a result of the alcohol molecules adhering to the part of the brain that causes one to overthink small details, which I think is partially true. Take last night, for example; as soon as my buddy Tom commented on my unorthodox form ("dude, why isn't your thumb in the hole?") that has been proven effective in many a drunk bowling session, I couldn't stop obsessing over the way I was throwing the ball. Now, if I had polished off the previously mentioned cornucopia of booze, I a) probably wouldn't have heard what he said, or b) would simply shrugged it off, turned my hat around backwards, taken 3 loping strides, and uncorked a Panek Screwball down the aisle- knocking down all the pins, bouncing the ball into the next lane, or falling on my ass.

While this semi scientific explanation is probably the root cause of the "drunk zone" in bar sports, I'd like to think that alcohol, when consumed in precisely the right quantity, grants some sort of quasi-mystical ability to the Bar Sportsman. For some it may be 2-4 drinks. Others, like myself (particularly in my current, burly state), maybe it's more like 4-7. It's a delicate balance, to be sure. Hit the sauce too softly, and you'll be sweating your next move and actually trying to, you know, work on your bowling form, look at the angles on the pool table, or line up your dart. Take that one drink that puts you over the edge, though, and next think you know you'll get kicked out of the bowling alley and wind up leaving with your bowling shoes still on, shoot the cue ball into the juke box, or hit the bouncer in the ass with a dart. Stick within that "drunk zone", though, and you'll see that next shot in ways that the sober (or extremely inebriated) mind could never see it. You'll react before you think, with unpredictable, but often very favorable results.

Alcohol is probably not the first thing that comes to mind when considering the effects of "performance enhancing drugs" , but if modern science were to really throw some resources into tapping the potential of the "drunk zone"- the sky, my friends, would be the limit.